I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
that is very illegal...i love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
