it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
