So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
