I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
