Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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