im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
