So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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