he puts the penis in happiness.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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