Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
