Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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