me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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