I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
