Ketchup is God's man juice
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
