You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
