Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
