my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
