hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
