Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
