I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
