so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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