I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
