i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
