if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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