He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
