Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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