Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
