while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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