I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
