now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
where does the pee come out of this thing
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
