it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
