I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
