no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
