im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
