Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i've created a new STD.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
