Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A bitchslap is in order.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
