If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
