I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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