Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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