I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
