just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
