Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
