Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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