we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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