Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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