I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
