I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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