I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
