I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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