Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
