i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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