woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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