Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
